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So the Pastor Mentioned Sex....
November 10 2014
November 10 2014
By

Yesterday, in our series on Galatians we came to chapter 5 which lists the works of the flesh and includes words such as 'sexual immorality' and 'orgies'. Perhaps your child was reading along or listening to the sermon (two things we want to celebrate, by the way!), and they returned home asking about these words. What do you do? Though books have been written on this subject, may I suggest a few thoughts:

  1. Welcome all conversations and questions about sex and sexuality.

God has given you the wonderful gift of a child and calls you to be their primary “shaping influence”. God never intended for initial conversations about sex to happen behind the school playground or especially in the back seat of a car. He wants parents to help children navigate through these important issues. Step into that calling, even when your response might not be clear or obvious. Ignoring these questions or awkwardly avoiding them will only send an unspoken negative message to your child. Help them see the beauty of sex by talking about it.

  1. Initiate honest conversations with your child.

Sometimes kids will ask, but sometimes you have to make the conversation happen. Take the initiative while they are young to give them understanding. As they grow continue to build on the foundation you have provided.

I recommend using the God's Design for Sex Series. It gives age appropriate ways of explaining the subject and then also gives you something to point back to when questions arise. For example, when a young child asks a question, you can say “Remember when we read about how God made us so that a little piece of mommy and a little piece of daddy got together and formed you? Well, that wonderful truth is connected to the question you are asking because...”

  1. Put the conversation in the context of the gospel.

At Hope we often say that the gospel has 4 chapters. (1) We were made for goodness and perfect relationships. (2)We disobeyed, rebelling in sin and, as a result, everything was influenced by sin. (3) God is moving to rescue us from sin and its consequences, moving most prominently in Jesus (4) Jesus will return one day to fully restore the world, making all of our relationships whole again. In light of this four chapter gospel, everything today hints or points toward two things: the goodness of God and the brokenness of sin. Remembering this is especially helpful when we need to talk to our children about sexual deviance or brokenness. God gave us many good things but men and women in sin have become very skilled at misusing God's gifts in ways he never intended.

Perhaps an illustration might help as we consider explaining this idea to our children. Use our mouths as an example. Our mouths were made for goodness – to praise God and bless others. But think of all of the hurtful words you have ever heard and how we now use our mouths to bring great injury to other people. In sin, men and women have invented numerous ways to use their mouths to do harm. But in Jesus, God is restoring us and the world - God has reclaimed our mouths. He is remaking us so that our mouths can again become used to bless Him and others.

Now, in the paragraph above, simply replace the idea of our mouths and our words with the subject of sex and using our bodies. Men and women in sin have twisted God's good gift of sex, inventing all kinds of ways to use their bodies in ways that God never intended and in ways that are not healthy for us or other people. But as Christians, we want to grow to be people who use our bodies and sexuality to love God and others.

  1. Remember that being truthful does not always mean being explicit.

Just because you do not give your child all the details of sexual deviance does not mean that you are not giving him or her a truthful answer. There are things you can say which are still true but which do not create graphic, mental images. Plus, it may be appropriate at times to say, “I know what I just explained to you may seem unclear, but as you get older we will talk more clearly and it will make more sense. For now I need you to trust me. But I want you to remember that if you friends ever say something about sex or if you ever hear something that confuses you, please know that I would be honored to talk to you about it and clear it up.”

  1. Saturate yourself with grace.

In conclusion, remember that God loves your kids more than you do! We so badly want to “get it right” as parents but we will not! Grace tells us that we get what we don't deserve. God will move and work in your child's heart despite the fact that you will not have all the right words and will probably mess it up a number of times. I know I have. That is why grace is good news.

 


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annonymous

August 17, 2018 12:43 PM

good